M.

Things are not good right now.

I'm not me. I can't find "me".

You are going on vacation week after next. I'm so truly happy that you are. I will miss you that Monday. I hope that's ok to say.

There have been times that something has come up for you and you needed to reschedule for that Thursday. I hope that i get that email to reschedule for Monday. That would make it easier for me right now.

I don't want to be so dependent on you, but right now you are the only one that hears me and understands.

I don't like feeling like this!!

Maybe it's a sign of good things? I don't know.

The tears never came. They are there behind my eyes.

This is so stupid, but a part of me feels that if I do cry, and you are there to witness it with compassion and understanding, then I owe you something.

That is so screwed up, but I guess that is me right now. It feels pretty numb and two whole weeks feels like an eternity.

It's going to be ok. Right?

Trail