My T is psychoanalyst but he has never mentioned the word "transference" either although it clearly plays a huge role in my therapy. I personally would hate a therapy that would focus on building skills or my resources though - I'm not a child and I don't need anyone to tell me what to do and how to live my life.

To me all this discussion about the "truth" of transference sounds funny - it is the same as to discuss the "truth" about gravity or something. It is just a name given to a very complex phenomenon that quite clearly exists, as is also evident basically from every post in this forum. To deny it because someone got hurt in a relationship involving it (and most probably all relationships involve it to some extent) looks to me the same as questioning the gravity because you got hit in the head with a falling apple or a stone. It's ok to deny it of course but it's fruitless because things don't stop existing just because someone doesn't like them.