I have been slowly getting past a mixed episode for the last 10 days or so. I can't believe I'm nearly a month into it already. But I am.

I have adjusted somewhat to my clozapine increase although I've gained 5 lbs and need to really watch what I am eating.

But the last 3 days sleep has been elusive. I've still had hypo signs, mostly a very noisy head, but sleep leaving is a very bad sign, especially on so much clozapine. So I just emailed her about what to do and while I asked about a couple of options I told her that I have a feeling more clozapine is needed.

This may be her vacation week which is why I'm trying on a Sunday. I didn't get an auto-reply so I'm thinking that's probably not true. I have no idea if she checks emails on Sunday; I know she has in the past but not always.

I hope I hear from her. I can't imagine waiting 2 weeks without sleep being good.

At the same time I REALLY don't want more clozapine. It makes me want to cry to think about it and this week I'm pet sitting so I have 2 dogs that need fed, walked and cared for, my 2 kittens to give love and attention and food, a chicken to feed and roost at the appropriate times, and oddly about 90 monarch butterfly caterpillars to care for. And some fish. I will have a hard time if I'm too groggy to do anything but sleep.

There are times I hate this disease. Tonight is one of them.