Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi Sapphire
I can see that you have been through a lot and had a lot to contend with 
And I'd say, without a doubt, time to "give yourself a break" and lighten up on yourself a little!!!
You've had issues with your parents, an emotionally abusive (true!!) long term relationship, a lot of personal and work stresses, years of illness leading to/causing you to do things you now regret and to the point of a psych ward..........
Nevermind messing up!!! I'd say that considering everything, any difficulties you've had are entirely understandable!!!
And real kudos to you for what you have achieved/ are achieving, you stuck with trying to get a job and work despite everything and the "negative" work environments/people there, and now despite that you're looking "higher" in aiming to study!!
And you are right about this being a journey to something better now, and in it there are likely to be some low's, recovery will have up's and down's........but the down's do not mean that you're failing.
I feel that you've got some excellent insight despite all of those things that could so easily have robbed you of that..........you gathered the insight and strength to get away from the toxic relationship you were in..........you're taking on board treatment and seeing how important it is to think of yourself/ your wellbeing, you're letting go of some of those "should"'s.........you're focusing more on you and what you really need/want.
Just maybe give yourself some time.........the journey forward can take time, particularly after everything you've been through, and more self-compassion, hey?
So yes, you're definitely "on the right track", just keep on searching for, and doing what is right for you and what you need and want in life.
Alison |
Yes thank you for such wonderful advice! Despite the hurdles I still persevered. Some would say brave for showing my face, I would say "stupid pride" and "denial" I would always be unwell. I DID get lots of negativity thrown my way, you are so right. It made me angry, but anger is not healthy driving force, it is self-destructive. My positive vibes were however from distant people, except my granda. Someone said it was okay to chill for a while, a nurse told me to "come out" and job centre staff tried to encourage me to go for office style work. I tried to get an office job and narrowly missed out. It's too late now.
My then boyfriend was like "you can be my house wife" and "you can't handle a job with stress." "i will tell you why you have no friends left - WARD 4!" (psyche ward)
I was always thinking I am not supposed to be here, I
should be married, have a mortgage, have a high flying job by now. I am just part of the lost generation, the x generation. I have had to fight tooth and nail for my freedom, and ignore what everyone else thought.
Thanks Michelle Smith I am eternally grateful and sorry I cut you off with no explanation, I hope one day we can meet so I can thank you
I am going to do the degree I want to do and not what everyone else says to me "why don't you do a degree that leads to a real job...."
I will step on the uncertain path, an unwritten story