Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderfalls
For heaven's sake. If you were well enough to stay out of the psych hospital, and in fact well enough to go to work, then you were well enough not to worry them out of their minds. No I don't think your pdoc should have called your boss--though it seems unclear whether that violates your privacy or not, from your odd insurance situation. But I don't think you should have let it come to that.
(As an aside, though, your new pdoc/therapist seems less than professional--or caring--to have a rule that you can't reach them outside of hours. Not even for a bona fide emergency?) That would be a deal breaker for me.)
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Yeah I agree about the new pdoc/t. I mean I like him but he usually sees people for 20minute psychopharm sessions and not therapy (he used to do a lot more therapy and he's good at it but he's the head of the psychopharm dept at this huge hospital now so that's what he does)... so that means that his practice is not set up to deal with therapy patients and their needs. I mean I get it--I don't think it's because he's an uncaring jerk, I think it's because having the kind of practice where you accept calls/texts/emails from pts 24/7 is a big commitment and really a lifestyle choice and if I'm his only therapy patient I can see why he wouldn't want to change that. (I mean as a doc I get it too--I will work my *** off for my patients when I'm at work but when I'm home I want to be home and not think about/deal with pt stuff. It keeps me from getting burned out.)
The problem is that my former t and pdoc worked for three months to try to find me a new t and pdoc in my new town... and despite making a zillion calls and me interviewing 8 providers over the phone and one in person, no one would take me and my insurance except this guy. (It's for a variety of reasons--mostly because of insurance but also some of them thought my schedule was too crazy or my meds were too complicated or I need too much support and they didn't want to deal). I could pay out of pocket but I calculated it and even if I got a different tier of insurance, it would be 10% of my salary. I dunno, maybe I just have to bite the bullet and do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel
Why didn't you pick up the phone?
I would never scare my T or Pdoc like that. If there's something scheduled, and I don't show up or answer the phone, they're going to assume something is wrong.
What did you expect to happen?
I would have called your boss too. And if I had your address, I'd send police over.
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So yeah I'm not really sure why I did it. It was super super out of character for me--I always do whatever I can to minimize their worry b/c I've been in the position of caring for pts with really bad SI and I know how scary it is. I can think of some reasons... chaos-making to distract from internal turmoil, anger at them for not fixing me, sadistic desire to make other people feel as bad as I do, yet another ’test’ to see how much former pdoc/t care, desire to see if support/care would still be extended if I was acting horribly, an attempt to show how bad I feel so that I’m forced to make some sort of change/treatment decision, frustration with how much I extend myself to my own pts v how willing they are to make change... but I dunno if any of them are right.
And I don't know what I expected to happen--maybe calling the police (which I really really would have preferred). But I expected them to worry and then realize that I need more support, not get mad and withdraw support. I am so so sick of being A Good Patient, and I am so so sick of being in therapy and doing LITERALLY EVERYTHING THEY ASK OF ME and still I am so so sick. And like I work an avg of 60h/wk and I am keeping my life together and it is so so hard but it's not like you get awards for that--no one gives out ribbons for "Kept Going To Work And Taking Really Good Care Of Her Patients Even Though She Was Really Really Effing Depressed And Had Constant SI."
So I guess I was pissed and I guess I wanted something to change for the better... but that's not what happened.