It's all well and good, Art, for people to say don't read into other's behavior so much, but your therapist should be able to help you see what's going on in the worst of it, not tell you she wants a break for a month but can't do that because other people are scheduled, then leaves it to you to give her the break making it look like your idea. I am sorry, but I can't make excuses for therapist behavior like that. If she was/is not feeling any of the things you ascribe to her, then she is either not a very a good therapist or--as you suspect--her personal turmoil is leaking into your therapy.

I guess I just really sympathize with you because I know how intense the distress can get. And I also know that you really like this therapist and that adds to the pain of it all. I wish it could be different. Maybe when you see her next time, you will feel more balanced and steady in yourself and can see what's going on more clearly.