Hi L. I'm doing some good work with the pain today.What E said yesterday made perfect sense - to see the whole mess of a situation as a gift and an opportunity for growth - so that's where I'm focusing. I'm still hurting and processing a lot of feelings and trying to show myself love and compassion and forgiveness. But it's hard because when I don't focus on the guilt and shame, I start feeling regret about ending, because I know now what I need to work on, and I can't with you anymore and that hurts so much. Because that's the stupid part - I didn't figure it out until after this happened. I miss you, because the connection is gone, and that part of me will never be the same. I love you, and will try to just remember all the good. I'm so sorry I messed everything up, so sorry, I wish I could somehow magically make all of this better but I can't. I've lost so much and I just have to deal with it.