by destructive I mean; leave jobs where I was well positioned, request credit cards which I know I do not have chances to repay, do not pay attention to friendships and screw them.

It is true that I had or have an ego based behavior, but I want to change, I want to be better, and to be better I feel that I need to understand me better, else I think I may fall into the same trap over and over.

I wish I could find someone like a doctor or shaman, or spiritual guide, who I could expose "my book" and receive an advice on where does my behavior origins from.

Thanks for your words! It made me shift immediately in the thinking perspective. Maybe I am simply maturing after all ...