It was a two week "attack". It was triggered by our wedding anniversary that went horribly, my same PTSD over sex, an interaction with S, and I took a crap load of anti inflammatory and Benadryl pills (whatever I could get my hands on). My stomach really hurts today. I'm drinking too much coffee. I'm not sure if I did stomach damage.

So, I won't force myself to have sex with h. I don't want to. I'm tired of this BS with him.

It's not just me, it's him too. If I don't want to do it, I'm not doing it, and whatever comes, so be it.

I'm exhausted from what i put myself through. I'm feeling a lot better emotionally today.

If I'm a failure, then fine. Blame it on an emotional disorder, fine. He could have made me feel good and I would have been alright. But he didn't.