It took me four months, from mentally committing to therapy and choosing a T online, to plucking up the courage to actually make an appointment and show up.

So I had a lot of time to prepare exactly what to say!

In the first appointment I was brutally honest and laid all my problems - as I saw them - on the table. It was pretty terrifying, but on the other hand I had no connection whatsoever with T, it being the first time we had met and me having no idea about therapy, so as far as relating to T goes I was completely detached. I think I can find it harder to be honest now, maybe, because I have a close relationship with T and I care about what he thinks and how he reacts. On the other hand he knows pretty much everything important since I blurted it all out the first time we met - so that has worked out quite well!

Edited to add: If I had told everything as I did at the start and T was horrible, or cold, or I decided not to pursue therapy or anything like that, I think I wouldn't have cared about what I had said to T. Because I knew it was confidential, and also I didn't really care what T thought. I'm not trying to be horrible, but I am like that with most people unless or until I know them really well. Otherwise I am detached, so they could say and do anything and J wouldn't really care, except for maybe feeling annoyed.