I think if I were to develop an attachment and have to deal with all this transference again, I'd leave...for the simple fact that it's a transaction. It's not based on something that can realistically happen.

I admit, I longed to see my former t all week. I kept notes about what to share with her, then it escalated. I couldn't wait to share some things. I wanted her to be proud of me. But to her, it was not true pride she'd feel for someone in her personal life. Even if she wanted to, she'd have to maintain that personal space. So, it becomes a bit torturous when reality kicks in and the fantasy is broke. My T told me she didn't care about some things. Last week, she lied to me.

So, here I am desiring connection to someone who can't offer me the same...but she pushed for it. Told me to lean into it. But it's kinda like if I had those feelings for someone in my regular life, but they didn't feel that way for me. It would be hard. Painful. Imagine that person I can't have that connection urging me to keep feeling that way and now, to open up even more- while they maintain their distance. They are a person that will NEVER be emotionally available to me. The healthy thing in that situation would be to walk away, to distance, and put effort into someone who is available to me.

And all of those stories, online, that I've read- they haunt me. These folks can't leave their T's because they find the thought so painful. Yet, they are in pain by staying. It's such a torturous limbo.

I'd love to read the stories where it worked.