MC today. Brief small talk about H's sore neck muscles. I thanked MC again for calling me and said it had really helped. And that I'd filled in H on what we'd discussed. MC said he was glad it had helped.

We talked briefly about how last session had gone. MC explained, as he had on the call, how he was trying to just focus on H's emotional state and thoughts that session. And he said this session we could continue with that, or move over to me. MC asked H if he had any more to talk about, and H said he didn't really. I told him that if he had more to say, it was OK, to not hold back on my account. He said he didn't and said how I'd commented at home how I wanted to continue some of the discussion but didn't say what about.

I said it was mainly about how H said he felt like he had to take D so many places, and felt put out when I asked him to take her to someplace I normally take her to. So we discussed that a bit, including me saying how I'm basically on call all night and have to get up with her early in the morning, despite not being a morning person. H started saying something else, and MC said he wanted him to acknowledge what I had just said, and he did. Came to a bit of an understanding on all that, I think.

Last session came up again, and I said how I'd felt really bad afterward...that I'd felt hopeless. MC repeated, "Hopeless?" with a concerned look on his face. I said yeah, that's just how I felt immediately afterward. H looked concerned, too. I said it felt like both H and MC, who I see as a male authority figure, were both being critical of me. And it was just sort of echoing all the negative stuff that was already in my own head. MC seemed surprised by this (probably because I didn't mention it in the call). I said it was like how T will say, how I can go from 0 to 60 in emotions.

I said that MC's call had really helped take me out of the spiral. He was like, "Good--wait, I mean of course I don't think it's good that you were in that place to begin with. I don't want to imply that. Just good that I was able to help."

Then, noticing the awkward silence in the room, I was like, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shared that." MC was like, "Of course, you're not allowed to share big emotions in therapy!" Which did make me laugh. I said it was more that I didn't want H to feel bad, to feel like he couldn't be honest with me about his feelings because he'd worry how I'd react. H said it was OK.

Talked more about how H had said last time that sometimes it seemed like I wasn't listening to him, that I didn't care. And discussed some other ways to handle that, like if he sits down and just starts talking while I'm in the middle of something, it's OK if I say, "Wait, can you give me a minute?"

I said I knew T's probably roll their eyes at pop psychology, but that someone on here had mentioned the Love Languages book, so I read it. MC shrugged, like he didn't mind. Then we ended up joking about T's writing self-help books, because I'd forgotten he'd co-authored one.

I tried to explain it to H, saying what I thought each of our love languages were--words of affirmation for me, acts of service for H--and how maybe we just aren't communicating love/affection in the right way for the other person. H seemed a bit doubtful--maybe I need to let him read the book. We did end up talking about the importance of affirming a partner's efforts, like thanking them or even just acknowledging them for doing dishes, taking out trash, running an errand, etc.

MC said how he'd spent part of the weekend weeding, to which I said, "Good times!" He said it's not a fun task, and that if afterward, someone had commented to him how nice it looked, it would have meant a lot to him. (Of course, that made me think it would have been something his wife might have said, so I felt a twinge of sadness for him, even though I'm sure he hadn't intended that by making the remark--I know, the perils of knowing about a T's personal life...)

MC said we had to wrap up soon, which didn't surprise me--we went over by like 10 minutes last week (plus he called me, though i don't think he'd count that), so I figured we'd have to end on time today. He asked how this session had felt, and I said it felt OK, certainly better than last week, but that wasn't saying much. H agreed. I said I hoped I hadn't messed things up, if MC had been planning to run this session like the last one, and he said I hadn't.

I was like, "Hey, I didn't use up your tissues this week!" And MC replied, "Well, you haven't left the office yet!" since we still had to confirm next week's schedule. Which made us all laugh and joke around. Did scheduling, then usual handshake/"take care" exit.