It turns out R’s question last week was pretty important, as it re-emerged today. Am I holding back because I am worried about taking her on this journey with me? Today’s answer was influenced by where we are in the work and the imminent break. I held back some purely because I did not want to go into a three week break mildly unhinged.

I think we did good work today because I acknowledged that I feel anger towards these people, even though I don’t have it in me to get properly angry. I think this was the point where R mentioned the possibility of imagining talking to an empty chair, rather than directing it at her. I’m intrigued, but not sure whether that would allow me the release I need.


R acknowledged that I almost changed the subject at around the same time as I started down the path of ‘They ****ing knew what they were doing!’ I got beyond ‘We nearly lost her three times in the ambulance’ too. (Clutching my pebble, and willing myself to ‘Just say it, dammit!’ inwardly)

Now that is out in the open, talking about the next bit ought to be easy by comparison. Thankfully, I was able to psych myself up to ask for the note (with the phrase 'I'm with you') before she left. She said she felt ‘honoured’ that the phrase is symbolic to me, and she also observed that I had found it difficult to ask! Worlds away from P.


She urged me to look after myself during the break, and expressed a heartfelt desire that I get some sleep, and ‘perhaps some easing somewhere’ in the meantime. I feel comforted going into the break, in as much as R has said that she does not want to save me. We will meet again on the 24th of August.