Dear Dr. S,

I want an email from you. Thursday long time away. Poke, Touch, Sad. Have to sit with the sad.

I don't know which is worse, going through this sadness to heal/grow or knowing that as I heal my feelings towards you will change and I will lose some of the good feelings I have with respect to you and this relationship. It's like grieving both at the same time. I feel like you won't be mommy for much longer. Will you miss it too? I am leaking tears and I can't seem to make them stop.

- me