Thank you all so much for your replies. I really appreciate it.

My college have been really good about my health and have offered for me to do the usually one year course (which I am supposed to have completed in June but overdue work etc meant that I haven't graduated yet) over the next year, and go to university next September. The only issue is that I don't think I can live at home happily for another year. In my mind its already set that I'll no doubt end up in a worse place if I am at home any longer, university was/is kind of my one way ticket out of here and away from my family for good.

I have attempted college 3 times now, twice I dropped out within a month because of my mental health and this third time I almost finished (and still might if I can get my act together). My grandma has been on my case repeatedly telling me I should have just stuck college out and I'd have been gone by now, and she's constantly telling me how disappointed she is that I didn't graduate sooner. I don't think I could survive another year of that - she lives opposite me and my mother, so there is no hiding from her either.

Just thinking about all of this **** going on makes me want to cry my eyes out and it's honestly driving me crazy and I'm at such a loss of what to do.