Quote:
Originally Posted by John Dough
Thanks everyone for your input, I value each of your opinions.
I've had crushes before just never that consumed my mind like this and that's what scares me. I really do hope this is just a crush. I would never cheat on my wife so I will not be acting on these feelings. As I said I know I don't know this woman very well but cutting her out of my life entirely is simply not possible right now. I've been trying to limit my interactions with her when we are working together but its very difficult to do so and as a result I feel like I'm getting to know her a little better each time.
My wife and I have said some harsh words to each other in anger and she has said to me on more than one occasion that she thinks she will be a single mom one day. I think that has kind of been playing in the back of my mind a little bit as well during all of this, like maybe I would be doing her a favor if I wasn't with her, ultimately I would like for her to be happy. Call me selfish, by at the same time too though, I would like to be happy.
I obviously want what's best for my child and I know that would be in a loving household with a mother and father who love each other. I would say our fights have slowly been getting worse with time and I fear if things keep progressing this way that eventually it would be a bad environment for a child. I know we need to do something to stop this before it gets to that point. The fact that she's pregnant just complicates things further. I realize our lives are going to drastically change once this baby is born, I don't want this baby to suffer because of our actions.
I agree that there are a number of woman who I could have had a happy marriage with but I guess I'm a bit of a romantic and also believe there is that one special person for everyone. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe Hollywood is partly to blame, that's just what I believe.
We try to talk once in while, we both listen to each other and hear what the other is saying but nothing ever seems to change.
This woman knows we are expecting a child, our interactions have not been flirtatious by any means, its strictly been professional, but I can't help but feel there is something between us. I truly hope I'm wrong but I'm just second guessing myself now. What if there really is something special with this woman that I don't have with my wife.
A couple of you said you think may be this woman represents something I'm missing, what do you think that could be? I know this is purely subjective but maybe you can open my eyes to something.
I still feel like I could be in the honeymoon stage with my wife if she would show me physical love like she used to but she doesn't feel that way. I know I need to give her more emotional love but its hard for me to do that when I don't get physical love.
Sorry, you all made some good points and I realize I'm kind of all over the place with my thoughts but my head is a mess right now.
|
I think you have answered your own question about what you may be missing. It sounds like the lack of physical relations with your wife is a big issue here, in pregnancy that is fairly common (hormonal changes fear of hurting the baby) but you say this was going on before the pregnancy.
People can and do have differing desires and that can fluctuate over time too, but is this something you have discussed calmly and honestly (not in the midst of an argument)? For many of us (not just men!) sex is an important part of romantic connection. Obviously she is fairly well on in her pregnancy so now is not the time to push matters but it is possible in pregnancy to be intimate without full intercourse.
It's clear you are missing that intimate connection with your wife, and maybe a little worried about letting her down (from the single parent talk). I like Crazy Hitches advice about making time for you both, a home cooked meal works wonders, a foot rub too for that matter (that's another way to be physically intimate and connected with each other). It may be that you two can talk honestly and calmly and you can confide in her about your worries and let her know how much you want to be with her as you were in the beginning. I think she will appreciate you being open and vulnerable with her (but I don't advise being so open you tell her about your crush).
Sometimes people get to this state in a relationship where a couple get defensive (when there have been angry words said) but that doesn't mean a couple are doomed - talking openly and without reproach/blame is often what it takes to help rekindle that intimacy and connection.
I have to say I agree with those who cautioned against a belief in 'the one' - it is a form of 'black & white' (all or nothing) thinking, and it can lead people to believe that a bit of a trouble in a relationship means they aren't really with 'the one'. Sorry if I sound harsh but I have seen people go through several relationships in this way, leaving a trail of kids behind them. Life partnerships can be very fulfilling and a great source of happiness but they are not magical or fated, they require effort and maintenance from both parties to work well. Hollywood has a lot to answer for IMO.