I haven't posted here for a while, but I am the same person I was years ago. Nothing has changed.

I am screaming from the inside from my pain. The pain of no physical wounds. The pain of not feeling normal. The pain of not being able to talk and socialize with others. The pain of being no one to any one. The pain of not feeling worthy. the pain of feeling lonely.

I tried to face my pain, but it has caused me more pain. In the past I escaped this pain by doing things I regret today. The ghost of what I did follows me every day. Now I have pain over pain, regret and no hope.

I want to believe in good days in the future, and in escaping moments I do, but soon I return to my doubtful state. I don't deserve the good things in life. I am a failure. I am no one.

If I screamed, no one would listen. If I remained silent, no one would care. I need help, but help I cannot find. I am not asking the help of seeing a psychiatrist, but I need a help that can transform me completely from the inside. What I show is a symptom. I want to heal the disease. To change me from the inside.

May be I am dreaming. May be nothing will do that. May be all I will get in this life is pain and regret, and then die and be forgotten forever as if I hadn't been.