Exactly. I was talking about a similar idea a couple of years ago. At that time, even now in truth, I would've welcomed, for me at least, an extended influx of hypomania. There would have been the inevitable crash, no doubt. But, I feel like that elevated respite would've been worth it. As then and as now, I like you, don't or can't feel and haven't felt joy in any memorable fashion in quite a while. I'd once even stated a similar sentiment regarding contentment. Being simply content seems so dull to me, but exuberance or passion, specifically that rare fire, are states of entirely more rich colors.

I don't really know how to exist or see the world without that flame. Being without it is alien. I suppose I have to learn, but it's like being forced to learn to be someone else.