Quote:
Originally Posted by StickyTwig
A couple of thoughts:
Can you try writing ex-T an unsent letter about how she failed you? Just getting your thoughts down on paper can sometimes help experience the anger.
Is your ex-T in your thoughts a lot, like every day? If so you need to change that situation because as you say, it cant be good for your health and current relationships to stay stuck in the past so much.
Perhaps you could see all the time you are losing as an opportunity to embark on a new hobby or project? Or, in other words a good aspect about the situation is that at least it shows you have a lot of energy to invest, can you find a way of redirecting that energy into something healthier?
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Thanks for the suggestions StickyTwig
I have tried to write her unsent letters multiple times and it seemed to just make me feel more like none of what happened made ANY sense. I always get sucked into this cycle of questioning why she acted the way she did and why she did a 180 so fast. I have been trying to make up closure for myself and honestly I can't. There's no closure.
But, I have not been myself. Somewhere in the process (post-abandonment) I lost all my feelings and became a zombie. It's horrible. Then I started feeling physically ill every time I thought about her, getting headaches so bad my vision would go blurry, but the thoughts were compulsive for a very long time and I felt hostage in my own mind and body, like she had taken it over and there wasn't any room left for me. I was attached and couldn't get her out of me.
I would LOVE to harness this energy for something remotely productive, instead of throwing it away on the dysfunctional past. I don't make any attempts to think about her anymore. Fortunately within the last month or so, many days I do not think about her at all. I would love to redirect this energy elsewhere if I knew how.
I miss my creativity a lot. I miss my feelings. I miss reality. I feel like an idiot for how long I let this persist and how defensive I was of a self-destructive relationship
I have been acting totally idiotic. Ugh.