Yes I to wonder what would happen if my husband were to die as he is a major source of security and connection for me..its like wanting to visit a grave but having no grave to visit..which is strange because in my youth I would wander around graveyards just reading the tombstones...perhaps searching? perhaps acting out that part of me that shut down a long time ago..I do get confused about T coming back...a fear wells up inside of me that I will have to experience never seeing her again...of course this time though I do have memorys of her..