Just finished a session with current T -- told her about seeing the other Ts.

She was rather calm, detached and chill listening to that -- didn't try to ask me to stay or get emotional. Just said "I'd like to continue to work with you" and left it at that. Somehow I found this detachment to be one of the most authentic and comforting things she's done.

I called her out on her responses to my anger -- that "authentic" didn't mean they weren't screwed-up. I specifically asked her if she'd tried examining herself (she said yes) and if yes, what had she found -- she got irritated and said "It seems you want me to give you a dissertation on how I examine my own stuff". I must say I was rather pleased that I managed to provoke that response -- it would've irritated me no end if she'd started being syrupy sweet just because I'd said I was looking to quit.

So, I pushed her some more on her responses to my anger -- she tried doing some (weasel-y) stuff like "I don't remember what I was feeling" etc but then when I pushed some more, just said "Yeah, those times felt really primitive and I didn't feel like myself. They were not my finest moments". She continued that apparently whenever I told her not to be therapist-y (all of those times basically), she got irritated and decided "Okay, now let me really show her". And, that yeah, her stuff does come in (she didn't say what and I didn't push -- I really don't want to deal with that but wanted to know that she did / was). Also, she (at least seemingly genuinely) acknowledged how her responses to my anger would've distressed me and that it's something she needs to work through.

I think her acknowledgment of screwing up repeatedly was super important to me (although yeah, it's far from a proper apology). And, that she didn't seem to bend over backwards and kowtow but just took it in stride that I was looking to switch.

Long story short -- I've decided to give it another go with her for a while and see where it goes. It gives me some confidence that if things get awful again, I can always get out and see the other therapist (now that I've identified a solid alternative).