I know I am escaping my pain by writing my pain, as I escaped my pain in the past by doing things I never thought I would do. Both have caused me more pain. I know no one really cares and only me can rescue me, but still, ... I cannot. I cannot bear my current life, and a worse one is awaiting me because I cannot do anything about my current situation. I cannot even focus to determine to do something, or even organize my thoughts. My body is weak, but my mind is weaker, and my brain doesn't help me.