My mind is restless about everything - what I choose to learn and how will making friends be. Academy is my last chance of making new friends, and each university has a different social setting. I feel so stressed.
I lack confidence in which university to take. There's one near my home and one far away. They're both great universities regarding academy quality, and the latter only consists of science and engineering professions.

The problem is, I have mixed feelings. I see the latter university as an opportunity to increase my independence. However I see the former's advantage of being near my parent's home and is close to my music college where I can also focus on my music.
Sometimes I feel it doesn't matter which university I sign in to, but there's also a part of me which tells "I have to get the hell away from home so I can finally grow on my own!". I can also get an apartment near the nearby university, but they're mostly expensive to rent so it requires digging.

I also have a dilemma about careers in general. Due to the emotional neglecting I've felt at home, I don't think having children will be the right choice for me. I don't want my children to suffer what I have suffered. So I sometimes think of pursuing a more spiritual way of life by being more light about a career and allowing myself to focus on spiritual hobbies such as music.

My therapist says my primary focus on treatment is not on my career, but rather on my entire life itself, regarding people, my being and my purpose. But I question how each university can have an effect on me.

As I am writing this I am mildly depressed in my room. I didn't sleep well at all. I wanted to go swimming, but since I have work I know I'll be tired after swimming even after a shower.

Thanks for helping me out. I feel so stuck and hopeless. I wonder whether leaving home will actually solve those feelings or not.