(((( sunrise )))) I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. You have been through so much and this holiday must feel odd to you with the changes that you've so bravely and courageously made.

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feel that I would just want to sit with him and be down, be sad, cry, let him feel my hopelessness, but I wouldn't want to talk about it. I have no desire to tell him anything. Just be with him and let him hold my feelings of sadness and hopelessness

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Yep. Just being there with T, who accepts us as we are, allows us to just.. be.

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I kind of want him to physically hold me while I cry, but when I truly try on that idea, I know I don't really want it. It would be uncomfortable and awkward.

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Yes but it's comforting to think about anyway. I agree that reality would be so awkward, odd, that the comfort imagined when thinking about it just wouldn't be there.

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Just the empathy, the non-physical holding, maybe him pulling himself close to me on his chair and looking at me so directly and warmly in that way he has, and feeling all of his energy there in the room, so powerful.

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Wouldn't that feel so good.

I think all this would help you feel connected to life again.

Sometimes just going to session when I feel like you are now takes great effort. But just being there in T's warm acceptance feels so good. Being able to talk about what's going on and being heard and accepted can help lift the weight of what I'm struggling with. Internally I am usually saying to stop feeling the way I"m feeling. T lets me know it's perfectly fine to feel what I feel. I can just 'be' there.