I didn't know whether to put this in SI or what, but it has to do with the "girlie doc" and I felt safest here. Beware before continuing that it will be at the very least disturbing to more normal people who aren't the mess I am and would never think of this.....

I haven't had a pap smear in 3 years, which for my age and lack of activity, shall we say, is not a problem. The problem is, over the last several years, when the PTSD/flashbacks/etc get overwhelming, I cut, uh, "down there." Or rather, "in there." Yes it is gross and twisted and sick, but there are a number of emotions behind it that make it seem like a good idea at the time.

Anyway, what I want to know is -- I mean, I know they can look in there and tell you've given birth -- is she going to be able to tell I SI there? And how the heck am I going to explain it if she asks?

Sorry I am such a nutjob. TY for reading if you made it this far.

Candy