Oops, so sorry, Blanche, I apologize! I misread your post!

The trouble was, again, that I didn't know the therapists were as as ****ed up as me, I didn't even know I how and in what ways I was *****ed. That presumably was what therapy was partly for, I thought. And when some of ****ed-ness came out the therapists "blamed" me over and over, and I took it because that's what I had always done and after all, I was coming because I felt and believed and "admitted" that I was somewhat ****ed up.

And what happened in the end, after 50 years in therapy on and off, was that I came to the frightening and "traumatic" realization that the therapist, on whom I had been depending, was ******ed in one way worse than me, probably. And hurt me. And there was nothing that I could do about that it was just her.

That turns out not to have been a transference exactly -- or maybe it was was a dual acting-out of transferences. Which was very hurtful. But the reenactment eventually led me to connect with a way I had felt that way in childhood about some relatives, and that had been cut off for many, many years. The therapist treated me in a cold, snobby, condescending, blaming way, like female relative from my past. Which I couldn't handle at the time. And which without PC and some other in-person support group support I probably could not have handled this last year.

Whether it's because the therapy relationship is "fake" or something else, I'm not sure.

But again, I'm sorry. When I misread your post and felt like you were talking as a therapist, so sorry, I think it triggered me.

But that's not a PTSD trigger that I went INTO therapy with but something which I have now. And will hopefully find a way to let it go sometime soon, now that I'm aware of it.