yeah.. i guess maybe.. post.. someday.. it seems so far away though and i dont know how to do it.
It's like i'm screaming but no-one hears me you know...
then again i dont want them to hear me they'd all thought what they think is best (aka telling youthcare, police, etc) but they just dont understand...
I dont understand why its affecting me so much now... more then before. its like i used to be able to push it all away and go on as if nothing was happening but i cant anymore..
And its not just hard on me, its hard on my brother too knowing whats going and not being able to do anything about it... Talking about feeling powerless you know..
and then i feel bad about feeling like this, like wishing id walk under a truck or something
And christmas is coming up and the house will be packed with strangers (family of my fosters) and i just dont know how to handle that on top of everything else.. having to be normal and happy and talk to everyone and being a normal 14 year old and hang out with their kids and everything.. thankfully my brother will be here though so i should be happy its just so mixed up everything atm

blue