Thanks everyone it's best just to let it all out sometimes. I am on a list for CBT. I just hope we can deal with some of the other issues rather than just ocd and contamination fears. I'm in the UK and we get a limited amount of sessions. I don't have a lot of money otherwise I'd look into some private sessions and I'd be happy to pay for it.

Medicine might be a good idea too. I was anxious about the health impacts of them but I was happier when I was on them than now. I don't know if the mini pill is making me feel worse too.

I'm going on holiday on Monday for 4 weeks. So I'm hoping that some time away will give me some perspective on things. My other half is joining me for a week but I'm quite scared about the other 3 without him, but maybe it will be good as it'll teach me that I can cope even when I think I can't. And that my worries aren't as bad as I think/Don't happen.

I just think I've been bogged down for ages and things have built up. I regret so much doing this masters! It's caused so much stress. At least I know not to do a PhD and a different path will be better for me.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any tips for self esteem that I can start to do on my holiday? Maybe a book I can buy or a website I can read?? I'm not sure if maybe trying to do some self help cbt would work?