I think what's important in accepting all these different things is really about putting a voice to what you're feeling. Maybe you'll find that you don't need to force yourself through some deliberate process of accepting "the way you are" or "what you are," but maybe actually you just need to recognize, verbalize, make space for and validate your feelings.

Like, for example, it seems like anything that implies you having a feminine identification makes you feel really vulnerable or maybe even disgusted? It seems like the treatment that you expect as a result of being female makes you not want to identify with femaleness at all. It seems like you're looking for a way to cope with those feelings and right now the best solution you have is to avoid too much exposure to sexuality or involvement in sexual experiences.

Do you have someone in your life you feel comfortable talking to about that? You know? Sometimes we just need to be heard and not judged and need to feel like someone really cares.