Hi! You posted this a few days ago so I don't know if you'll be back, but your post broke my heart so I wanted to chirp in and say that Asexuality is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice. I've known several asexual individuals throughout my life who had normal, happy relationships without ever having sex. If you haven't read much about asexuality, I would encourage you to look into it. I would add that you may want to allow yourself to experience sex once before making that decision (if and only if you get to a point where you want to do so), but if you decide that you just don't have sexual feelings, there's nothing wrong with that. I would add however that it is important to communicate that to your partner. I know it is very difficult to do so, but sex is a very large part of marriage. That decision may change the course of your relationship, which would be very sad, but also for the best if your lifestyles are not going to be compatible in the long run. It's important to be clear about who we are with our partners so that they can also make the best decisions for themselves, as I'm sure you'd want him to do for you if he had to make a lifestyle choice that could potentially be a deal-breaker for you. This may be a bit too much for you to think about this early on in your journey, but I have known asexual individuals who had successful open marriages by allowing their partner to satisfy their sexuality by sleeping with other people while maintaining an asexual emotional relationship between the two of them and living long, happy lives together without sex.

Wishing you the best of luck, love, and healing. <3