Thanks, YB. She has basically come out and said that she wouldn't do what he does when she does marriage/couples therapy. Particularly not allowing outside contact with one member of the couple. And she handles marriage counseling differently in general, from what she said--more structured (like she'll have clients make lists, do exercises, etc.). His is more relaxed and unstructured, which definitely has its downsides. She knows a bit firsthand about how he operates in couples counseling because they counseled a couple together for a period at one point (I think one was already her client and the other was his, or something).

I think T has her own sense of what I need and what is "good for me", which is not the same as what MC thinks, at least based on how they each interact with me in general. So I think sometimes when I say how much something he said/did helped me, then it's hard for her to not be like, "No, he shouldn't have done that!" I think what I *really* need is something in between their two approaches.

Just to clarify, it's paternal transference that I have for MC rather than erotic/romantic (that was there initially, but I figured out it was really a paternal thing), though there's an intense attachment.

I think MC is trying to provide a corrective emotional experience for me, kinda sorta within the bounds of marriage counseling. He's said before that working through transference can be about going through experiences from your past (in my case, with male authority figures), but with a different ending. And he feels that can be healing. We both think I've made progress (even though sometimes it's a few steps forward then a step or two back). For example, I've been able to tell him that I'm upset with something he said or did. And some of that has carried over into "real life," with interacting with H and a little bit with my parents (and with T). It used to be if I was upset with someone, I'd just blame myself and wouldn't feel comfortable expressing my hurt or anger. But that has changed--I can't say how much of that is in relation to stuff from MC vs. T vs. other stuff.

I do get what you're saying, and I think that's more in line with how T feels and how she practices therapy. It's probably why I'm less attached to her--well, the negative maternal stuff, too, but there's also some positive maternal transference at times. At the same time, I think my mom thought that was what I needed, too--or at least that's what she gave me. And that apparently didn't work so well for me. T isn't as judgmental of me/other people as my mom, but I still sense judgment from her (T) in some of the things I say/do (not just talking about MC stuff here), or even just in how my mind works. Like something T said the other day: "You just spend so much time thinking about things," said in a negative way. Like, yeah, that's just how I am. (Sorry, I'm rambling now!)

I feel like MC is telling me stuff that I need to hear. Like particularly, the younger parts of me. I think that's why I have such a strong emotional response to things he's said to me--because it's stuff I'd been missing. Messages I should have gotten many years ago. I feel he's helped me to feel more secure, stronger, to trust myself more.

Thanks! It's good to know people like reading my updates (and aren't like, "Oh, no, not LT again!"