I am not really good at doing that except when slightly hypomanic, which has been my recent state since a med adjustment a couple of months ago. Before that, I was depressed for the vast majority of the prior 24 years with only a few "breaks" where I was hypomanic for about 5 days about twice a year.

It's interesting that my new pdoc and tdoc both commented on how self aware I am because it is kind of a new thing. It flipped a switch when my primary NP prescribed lamictal. During the long dark period, my observations were not accurate and were more about how other people caused all my problems.

I just had something of an "aha moment". I think I was far less likely to be moved by regular life's emotions while depressed. I did smile sometimes but very rarely laughed. But while hypomanic, a sad event can bring me down and make me cry but I am still in the hypomanic state. My pdoc talked to me about that when I wondered if it was rapid cycling.