Hi, my name is Calilady and I am still attached to my last therapist.
Hiiiiii, Calilady!

LOL.

Yes, was attached. Painful and awful. I'm the type of person who rarely has connections to other people, but when I do, those are very deep, emotional attachments. New therapist totally gets it. Old therapist did not. She's only 33 and specializes in addiction recovery, so attachment stuff was not her forte.

I told her through a series of events that allowed me to discover the attachment in the first place. Odd, how those things happened for me one night. I couldn't just leave, like I normally do. She asked me not to pull my usual avoidant bullsh-t and 'lean into" the connection. At other times, it felt like she was uncomfortable with it. "Is there anything else you want to talk about other than being here?"
Or, if I entered the room and told her (jokingly) that it was tough for me to sit there with her, being attached to her, it was met with "Oh God, not again." Little things that made me go hmmmm.

It was tough. Our connection had changed over the past few months. I remember her walking me out and then just nearly cutting off and saying bye when she saw a friend of hers sitting out in the waiting room. I could hear her talk about her real life, as I walked out and I began to realize that I don't know her. My sessions with her mean a lot, but she has an entire "real life" unto herself that I don't have a clue about. Prior to the attachment stuff, we discussed at length her methods of self-care and that she has to stay pretty detached.

She and I fought. Tried to repair it. The previous week would have been returning to normalcy of our sessions, it would have been 3 in a row w/o fighting or arguing...but she cancelled due to a death in the family and I found out that she was...skirting around the truth, I'll say. Avoiding me. Very tough to feel that way being attached. Her last text to me on my phone is a falsehood, basically.

So, I'm not a fan of it. I also need to feel safe and I wasn't feeling safe even before that stuff began to happen. New t gets it, but he's much older and has been a practicing therapist longer than I've been alive. He's not her, as much as I want him to be. But he'll do for now.