mckell, first off, congratulations on the progress you've made. It's great that you recognize it. Second, if your friend is terminally ill, don't wait. Sure, it's bringing up a painful subject but if you miss your chance you'll regret it for a very long time. Chances are, your friend is interested in tying up loose ends anyway. It also means a lot that she's brought it up before.

I too get rushes of negative feelings. Guilt, regret, self loathing, cynicism, I get 'em all. My only outlet for these feelings are my various artistic projects. It helps...some.

Cyran0