What a story Perna. I could "see" you in my mind's eye calling "mommy". I relate to this, I think.

My father left when I was 11yrs. after a very stormy 11yrs. with him. He "disappeared" until we received a letter re: a social security issue last year. It seems he died and because he was a veteran, they buried him in the veteran's cemetery. The govt. never bothered to contact anyone even though they were able to find us easily when it came to $. So, my brother & I had a dead & buried father for 6mos. before the govt. decided to tell us.

I keep thinking about going to the cemetery. I picture myself wandering for hours looking for him. for some reason, I just haven't been able to do it yet. I don't have the slightest clue how I will feel. This is harder for me than the idea of going and knowing I will feel terrible/sad. I keep thinking I have to KNOW how I'll feel about him before I go to the grave. Makes no common sense to me.

tulips