I want to drink... fight... cut and destroy myself. If I drink I will cut which will lead to a hospital and all that mess. I'm trying to behave but it's getting hard. I wont drink, I don't have money for that. I can't fight it's not fair to my husband he's unwell. I can't cut because a hospital visit wont go well. I don't know if it's boredom or what. I don't think I'm depressed but my taste in music is really dark but upbeat. Maybe I'm becoming mixed or maybe I'm just ****ed up. I'm tired of convincing myself that I shouldn't do these things. Luckily I have no alcohol in my house. The school year is coming up and there will be a strong pull to attend and it'll spike my paranoia.
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Dx:
Me- SzA
Husband- Bipolar 1
Daughter- mood disorder+
Comfortable broken and happy
"So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk
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