I just feel I need to release what I'm feeling, since I really just don't know what to do anymore.

For a week straight, I was extremely irritable. Everyone and everything has been bothering me to the max. The fact I started a new position within my company made things even more stressful.

I took a friend out tonight, only because I promised her. The whole night, I felt so unfocused. This even led to me getting pulled over tonight, although luckily, I didn't get a ticket. I thought seeing my friend would make things better, but I feel worse. Being out and seeing couples together and people seemingly happy and having a good time is something I envy. It just seems like that's something unattainable for me. A big part of it has to do with these episodes. I feel very low about myself.

All I want to do is stay in bed away from people and hide from the world. Everything is caving in. Something else I've been preoccupied with, is the fear of letting others down. Now, I've gotten to a point where I feel I've let others down (and that I always let myself down), so it feels that there is no point anymore. Also, I have been trying to mask my feelings, especially at work. The mask had to come off, when a co-worker told me I do not seem like myself. This made me tense enough to cry.

I don't know if there's anything I should be trying to do, in order to prevent the depression from getting worse and worse, aside from medication. Also, how can one develop a sense of self-worth again, after being beat down by depression? I fault myself and second-guess myself constantly, but don't know where to even begin to work on fixing this.