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Old Jul 30, 2017, 11:13 AM
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Myrto Myrto is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: Belgium
Posts: 1,179
I used to be extremely attached to my ex therapist.
I'm no longer attached to my current one. I'm a million times better and I'm currently on a therapy break and thinking of not going back because I no longer need therapy.

What happened in between? Well after being terminated I realized how absolutely unhealthy this all was. I think this is the main problem of a lot of people on this forum: they expect impossible things from their T. I see so many posters being all "I want to be my T's favourite!" or "I want my T to love me!"

Expecting love from a paid stranger is insane. Therapists have real people they care about, family, friends.
That doesn't mean they can't appreciate a client but expecting more than that is a recipe for disaster. It's perfectly normal to want love but looking for it in therapy is imo misguided and the source of a lot of pain. Look for love in your real life, with real people. But I guess that means reciprocity, give and take, etc. I think for some people love from a therapist is safer and more convenient because then they don't have to build real reciprocal relationships. Those relationships recquire time and effort. With a therapist they simply expect unconditional love without having to give anything back emotionally.
I know people will say "but my therapist loves me!" "But I'm special!"
Right. This forum is full of people who swore up and down that their therapist would never let them down and well, we saw how that turned out. What makes people think their situation is going to be different? It's pretty arrogant to assume that.

My recommandation would be to focus on creating a life that you want to live in instead of focusing on the relationship with someone who is paid to listen to you and who will stop seeing you once you stop paying. People here seem to forget this is a business relationship.
Therapy can absolutely be helpful as long as you come in with realistic expectations.
Thanks for this!
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