Hi understandmoon, welcome to PC, I see you are still a fairly new member.

By reading your post what I can see is how your parents lack when it comes to having relationships. And they also don't know very much about "parenting" either and that is showing in how confused you are right now.

First of all, someone who understands parenting and raising children doesn't put the child in the middle of an ADULT relationship problem. Children have NO IDEA what to do with this anger and resentment constantly being expressed "through them" at the other parent. It also sounds like your mother doesn't really take an interest in you, however, please know this is HER failing and not yours.

It sounds like you are closer to your father, it seems like your father at times at least "tries" to help you. However, he lacks in that he needs to see what you DO rather than what you fail to do and then laugh at you simply for just not knowing something "yet". Always remember that when someone interacts with you in a bad way, it's not because you deserve it, instead it's typically because the other person "lacks" the knowledge, this goes for parents too.

I am sorry to hear that your father has a tumor. It's understandable this would scare you and of course you want him around to be there for you as a dad. When you see him I think you should tell him that too. He may or may not reassure you the way you want, but at least he will know you are worried and you do love him.

You are only just 19 years old, that's still very young and impressionable. Please know that other people may treat you badly at times but that is more of a reflection of "them" then YOUR worthiness of being treated better.