Hello, i have a question regarding ptsd. I have what is considered the "complex" variety, stemming from a long and extremely painful history of childhood and adult domestic abuse.

My partner now, while ordinarily kind and loving, is not very understanding or supportive of my struggles and can be downright antagonistic and cruel in the event of stressors and subsequent meltdowns. I understand that his mother suffers from similar problems, and that the family attitude towards her is not very compassionate, so I at least can see where his coldness originates from. That doesnt excuse it, of course, even if it does shed a bit of light on what i consider to be a peculiar way of thinking.

But that doesnt help with my problems whatsoever. He doesnt seem to be able to grasp that it is unreasonable to expose a ptsd sufferer to extreme, very specific known triggers and then expect them not to react. He has ridiculed and criticized my vulnerability to certain phrases and situations the entire length of our relationship, and even goes out of his way to expose me to them when i am already stressed and we are arguing.

I love him very much and know that he is a generally good person, so this deviance from that is extremely troubling to me, and has nearly caused a permanent breakup more than once. He seems far more focused on proving that my behaviors are, in fact, voluntary, and that I could simply "get over it" if I really wanted to, than he is on providing even a hint of support. He believes that I am choosing to react the ways that i do, rather than suffering from an illness that I have little control over and experience extreme pain from.

Ive explained to him countless times that ptsd is very real, and because mine relates to interpersonal relationships and primary figures in my life, it is crucial that i feel safe with a partner, no matter what, and that it is imperative that my boundaries be respected. Also, Ive explained that it is necessary for me to re-experience certain interactions with positive experiences and outcomes this time around, as a means of recovery, whenever possible.

Small successes in respect help me tremendously, such as a friend or partner remembering to call me if they are going to be late coming home, when ordinarily they couldnt be bothered to let me know, and i would spend the night worrying about them instead. Things like that, and respecting my emotional and physical boundaries...most of which ought to be observed without having to be an issue, are what I would consider the inherent responsibilities of my partner.

While i would not say that violence is per se a major problem for us, we live in Appalachia where it is still woefully culturally acceptable to use mild force against a woman if she disobeys or wont shut up when told to. My partner is not a violent man ordinarily, but I cannot make him understand that a shove or slap, something that wouldnt be a big deal to most people around here, is absolutely soul-crushing and damaging to me well beyond the physical harm aspect of it.

Overall, I suppose that what I need is some kind of validation and confirmation of what I already know, and what he needs to accept regarding the involuntary nature of flashbacks, and the fact that it is unreasonable to expect me to be able to control my reaction to triggers and provocation. As well, he needs to understand that I handle stress differently than he does, and that it affects me very strongly for reasons that excede simple weakness or faulty willpower. And that it has a cumulative effect, making it difficult for me to function some days and to be very disorganized and irritable. To me, it is cruel to even doubt the pain of someone else, and I find myself weary from trying to convince him and others that I am not short tempered because I enjoy it, and do not have difficulty leaving the house because its preferable to be a shut-in. I need for him to understand that I cannot be exposed to any form of violence, either, and that if I am, or if triggers are used to upset me during an argument, then I am going to, rightfully, be a figurative basket case.

I am presently trying to find a good therapist to see locally, (I had a good psychiatrist in my last town, a few years ago), but need some help making him understand these few simple things in the meantime, before I lose my mind, honestly, because it is bothering me tremendously. I understand that support and validation are very important to recovery from this, and that it is as real as any other life-threatening illness...and wish that he could see that, as well. Getting professional help is a fine thing, but at the end of the day, i feel that i cannot remain exposed to the the very causes of this awful burden and ever hope to make any kind of recovery. Im not crazy for thinking this, am I? Or lazy, or irresponsible, or hysterical?! Thanks to all for reading...