I just want to vent before I go off for the holidays about something that happened over the last 2 days....

From the age of 8 - 15 I was abused sexually, emotionally by my mum and her pdoc.....

She let it happen for so long, knowing he had a criminal record for child abuse, I had to deep her affair secret from my dad for many years, the guilt was tremendous......

I have struggled with my parents, having a relationship with both of them has been a big strain on me and my kids and hubby.

I told my mum about the abuse when I was 15 and she chose not to believe me, in fact he was abusing a number of little girls from the age of 3 to 15+.

To make a very long story short, for over a year since my son turned 15 I have been in a deep depression, am now seeking proper therapy and gradually getting better. I have no self esteem, confidence...I dont like me, but learning slowly not to have so much guilt and to stand up fr myself.

I asked both parents for a break whilst I'm going through the first stages of therapy, because they just upset me, specially my mum who continually puts me and my kids down. I know she says she loves them and prolly does, but is constantly telling me my daughter and I need to lose weight etc, it's not like we're obese or anything, my daughter is a size 10 (english sizes10) I am bigger but not obese.......

My mum tends to have a short memory...she had surgery on herself twice.....

She has lost all her friends through pure selfishness....only goes out with men with lots of money and drinks too much every night......

My cousin came around with our Christmas card the other night, I was hoping my mum was sorry about the past and what she put me through...but apparently, although she told me she wants to srt things out, told her side of the family she can do without me being like this and do without all the trouble!!!!

Well mother dear...I could have done without being raped when I was 8 years old and every week until I was 15....I coould have done without you having sex in front of me with 'him'. I could have done without you taking me with you to all those men you had affairs with efore the sexal abuse actually started......

a little girl of 3/4 watching and hearing mummy with different men all her life....

I could have done with some protection and support all that time.

I could have done with a proper mum, not a selfish unpaid ***** who thought of no one but herself and still doesn't.....

This weekend I have come to the decision to not see her anymore, it's like a cloud lifted...she came round yesterday and wasn't interested in anything I or my kids had to say...she has lost 2 of her best friends of 40 years because she tried to tell them who to be friends with.....now she has lost her daughter.....and 2 of the most wonderful grandchildren who dont want to see her anymore....all she is interested in is money, material possessions and keeping up appearances....she is shallow, self centred and cares not about what she put me through..her only child.....

My dad gave me and my kids such a warm welcome, cried when he saw us, told us how much he has missed us and gave us such a warm welcome....

I have my dad, I am going to enjoy our new relationship and so are my kids..... we have sorted things out and I am so happy. I told my kids I would NEVER stop them from seeing my mum....but they dont want to ever see her again after the way she was yesterday....

GOODBYE SO CALLED MOTHER....YOU HAVE LOST EVERYTHING THAT WAS EVER GOOD IN YOUR LIFE.....I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY

KERRY

Sorry this was so long, had to get it off my chest....this is a new beginning for me and my family ... no longer will I e bullied, put down or ashamed of ME.

Jin x