Woke up late, missed the garbage. I think I slept okay, idk.
Kind of feeling like shiit. Not depressed. Just regular human emotions of feeling like crap. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. Got an excited group text from my mom about this activity my mom and aunt and cousin are doing that I'm not that she inadvertently sent to me. Kind of made me feel like shiit. I'm supposed to get together w a coworker friend tomorrow up by me and I almost want to cancel just bc I don't want to have to actually clean up my messy house. How pathetic is that?

I'm just sort of tired of always working so hard to stay afloat and alive, and here are these people around me for whom gravity doesn't seem to be an issue. That effortlessly seem to zip by me floating up and away waving while I am slowly sinking back down. My last dr appt didn't go well and while my doctor tried to sound optimistic i just have a bad feeling that perhaps my good luck has come to an end.

I realized something yesterday. I am an amazing actor. From uncomplainingly walking all around the boardwalk on a bad foot to forcing myself up steep water slide hills as my body tried to rebel to smiling and diligently working while sui depressed, I have discovered my one talent in life: I am really good at hiding my pain. How fuucked up is that? My claim to fame... That kind of sucks. Ah well.
Anyway, hope u all have a good week.