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Cyran0 said:
Sure, it's bringing up a painful subject but if you miss your chance you'll regret it for a very long time.

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This is exactly what worries me! I'm also feeling bad about being so detached and emotionally withdrawn from my mother. She is dead, so I can fix that feeling. The more I interact with my children the more I realize the healing that I denied her. My father was abusive to her and she endured a lot for my brother and I. I pushed her away because of my pend up anger and resentment. I am so grateful for my children and the way they openly show their love and compassion for me. When I start to withdraw they will even reach out and ask for hugs and affection to draw me back in. Its like they know what I need and give it freely. This is what my mother deserved, not me.

EV, I have been writing about it in my journal and here (thanks everyone for indulging me). It is helping me figure out what is actually bugging me. I really just feel like I need to DO something , even if I really internally am not ready. I haven't been able to talk at all about this in therapy and not likely to go there anytime soon. I'm trying to focus on my family situation during that time.

The good news is that I was able to make phone contact with her and am trying to arrange a visit over the holidays. She is only a couple of hours away. I've got to do it even if it means stepping back in time and visiting my past stomping grounds.