Symptoms are interfering with my coursework. I lost a big chunk of the last two weeks to anxiety, staying up for hours on end, and those weird flashbacks that are felt but not remembered. I'm slowly accepting this idea that I'm not always in control of what I do. I want to believe I'm capable and that I can just be normal so badly. Still for some reason I'm okay when I'm at work. That's good. When I'm studying it causes me to lose my connection with my parts, and I feel like they're not even there, but symptoms get worse. I don't like losing that connection now. I used to study and overwork all the time to keep myself from thinking and from feeling them, but now it feels awful. I guess it was awful back then too, but it seemed better than being aware of my insides.
And I miss this forum and all of you, too.