My boyfriend came back from his last vacation within the past couple of weeks. As usual, most of his day and evening is spent at work, and when he's home, he's usually in his office, door closed, on his computer. Otherwise, he's in bed. I've been stuck at home because my car had been in the shop since last Monday, and they're hoping to get it back to me Wednesday. My boyfriend took me out Saturday (which is rare, as of late) and Sunday, but I spent most of the time sleeping, or trying to sleep, in the car. I just sleep all day and night, except when I'm on my phone.

Now, he's going on another trip on the 7th or the 8th, and I want to scream. I'm overwhelmed. We'd made some progress on the mess in the house, but it's back again, because I'm so much worse when he's away. He promised when he got back he'd focus on getting me back to clean and functional. I tried not to get my hopes up, because he's promised before, but I guess I failed, because he picked up a little trash for no more than 15 minutes (if that) a couple of days after he got back, but nothing since. I asked him last night if he was going to do any more cleaning, and he said, "Soon," but he's waiting for me to get my car back. Why??? What's that for to do with my room and getting me able to use my computer and getting showers again, plus getting my bed cleared off and new sheets put on?

I had a phone appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday, and he increased my Paxil from 20 mg to 40 mg. My OCD has gotten worse.

I found a psychologist who takes Medicare and says he does CBT, but I don't see him until the 8th. I also called a women's center, who suggested the Division of Vocational Rehab, but I don't think that will work out, because schools are a problem for me, and I don't think I can handle working. That's why I want to get into writing. It's something I can do at home, but I need my computer. I want to write ideas and stuff in a notebook, but I wouldn't be able to touch the notebook once I was clean.

My OCD is such that I can't clean myself until things are really clean and I can go back into a cleaning routine. What am I going to do?

On top of everything, my boyfriend was in a car accident a couple of years ago, and he's being sued. There's a possibility we could lose our house.

I feel like s***. I have no one to help me. I'm wondering if I should have asked my boyfriend to put my name on the deed as co-owner, but he probably wouldn't have done that, anyway. It might have made things worse. But I'd be able to hire people to clean up. I don't have the money, but I could ask if they would let me pay a little at a time. I don't know. Of course, my boyfriend probably would make me and my property "dirty" if I did it, anyway. He's made that that before, how all he had to do to get back at me is make me dirty. I hate this.