I have a bit to say about this as I am just now realizing how deeply attached I am to my therapist. She moved away this week and It wasn't until I knew she was leaving that the reality of this attachment hit me. I've always knew I had a crush/attachment/transference but it didn't bother me because I figured I knew what it was and why. I knew I was in a thirsty place becaus of my relationship and needy because of my Mom, etc. I figured I had it all figured out. Ha! We talked about it a couple sessions before our last. I told her that I was attached and this seems to be a pattern of me 'obsessing' over other people in order to avoid looking at myself and my own life —

But man does the reality of it all come home when that person goes away. You can't protect yourself by intellectualizing this stuff. I am learning a lot and the loss of this person and that grief has really struck a chord - that ties directly to the core 'hurting' parts of me. This is the grief that ties all the way back to my childhood, disconnected mother, and premature infancy. So yeah, it's so cliché. Textbook and T used to say, "You need a mom" when I felt broken down, and "this is your Mom/Grama" when I felt criticized or depressed. All of this was discussed before. But where as before it was more of an academic exercise. Now I can really FEEL IT now. It's clear as day.

It's a big lesson and a very hard one but I'm growing from it. I am determined to see how this affects all of my relationships in life. How it affects my self-worth, and all of these core issues that I feel have held me back my whole life. I am determined to learn as much as I can from this pain and grow stronger because of it.

So yeah, attachment happens. How it affects you and what you learn from it is hard but if you can make it a lesson, that can be real change.