I somehow didn't expect answers. I tend to not think like people I know so I didn't think anyone would understand this.

I have been depressed for 7ish years now, so have I been "brainwashed"....? I know how I come across here, and it's not generous or kind.

I kind of have it fixed in my head that I'm a useless, unworthy, POS. I am having trouble finding anything that gives me another perspective.