I am sorry that the word abuse is triggering to you. How about nastiness? That's what she was, nasty. Yes she needs help. Abuse does not mean something is wrong with you, it is something that happened. My female parent was a nasty B-------. I am mostly sorry that you are looking to your dad for some kind of comfort because if I had any money to bet I would tell you that he will not change. He watched what she did to you. Time to make a family of choice for yourself. Not having a family does not mean you are bad. It is a sad reality for many of us. But you can choose whom to give your heart to. I have no sympathey for your father. You deserve better.