Rose you might need a break for few days at least. If he is in a hospital, he isn't abandoned.

If I may suggest, after he passes (sorry but that's a reality so you do something that would give you sense of purpose such as: volunteer even if few hours.

I don't know your age but if you are physically capable. It would keep you busy and give rewarding feeling and/or take on a small part time job. It would get you out of the house and would make you feel like you make a difference.

I used to volunteer at homeless shelters (have no time right now), and you can do it pretty much daily if you want. Boy, did it put my life in to perspective. Plus it made me so tired that I actually wanted to be home alone to rest after. I volunteered every holiday to. Christmas, new year eve etc or get part time job, that would bring extra money too. Something with people. Busy place etc

Sorry I am practical person and my advice typically is practical in nature. I apologize if I upset you if it's not what you need