professional coutch potato.

seriously, if I ever found myself on a quiz show or a guest on a programme, I would be the most boring person ever:
it would go something like.

host: so now we have emily ward with us. her last name is spelt the same as a hospital.

(laughs from the crowd)

host: so tell me emily what do you do?

me: oh well, mr host, i'm a coutch potato. I sit at home, eat, get fat, go to hospital and wonder about the point to life

host: okay, thanks for wasting our time... now on to a slightly more interesting guest

well it would go something like that